This is something I think most people have said in their lives at some point but I have tried very hard not to say it, especially last year. Yes it was a rough one, we made the decision to embrace a child free life, I struggled with depression for the first time, I suffered quite badly with my endometriosis and got made redundant all in 7 months. I never once uttered the words ‘why me’, not because I didn’t suffer spells of melancholy or self-pity but because I always thought, what’s the point in giving into thoughts like that? Thoughts like that don’t make us stronger they only tear us down.
I went out with a friend recently, who is going through her own life troubles, and although I am there for her 100%, her ‘why me’ attitude and ‘poor me’ comments got me thinking. Everyone goes through their own problems and struggles and everyone deals with it in their own ways and no one can fully understand each other’s journey. So, I always try not to judge as you never know what is going on in their life or how they are coping (or not in some cases).
Every now and then my ‘no judgement’ attitude does falter when faced with people using the ‘why me’ thought processes, I can’t help but think why not you? I know this sounds incredibly insensitive but bear with me, If everyone has their own pain and struggles, suffers their own personal tragedies, then it’s a very self-indulgent, egotistical view to have that you’re somehow above having troubles, ‘why me’ implies that you don’t think you should be going through this.
Someone fails at their schooling; oh why me?
Someone’s partner leaves them; oh why me?
Someone car breaks down right before Christmas; oh why me?
Someone gets ill; oh why me?
Someone is having money troubles; oh why me?
It seems that everyone accepts this poor me, pity party of an attitude more and more, dismissing it with comments or thoughts like ‘oh they’re coping, that’s how they cope’ and don’t get me wrong I applaud them for coping and surviving their own daily battles in any way they can, I in no way belittle what they are going through. I just take issue with ‘why me’, it’s such a pointless thought process. Instead of looking for the solution or the best way to fight or finding your inner strengths even when you’re not sure you have them. Instead of trying to build yourself up you’re letting your own thoughts tear yourself down and discourage you.
In your head is where the fight takes place, don’t let yourself be your own worst enemy. I wouldn’t be truthful if I said I never suffer from doubt or that sadness never takes over me and I struggle to find the positives. I am human after all, I’m sure I’ll have posts where I share these thoughts, but to continue to let these self-destructing, pity party thoughts continue for a long period is not good, it’s just not healthy.
I wanted to shake my friend when she said ‘why me, why is this happening to me, what did I do to deserve this?’ I wanted to shake her and say nothing, shit happens, bad shit happens to good people all the time, it’s not a reflection on you as a person or what you deserve. I wanted to tell her how amazing she is, I wanted to list her good points and her achievements, I wanted to hold a mirror up to her life and tell her to look at all the good in it, not just focus on the bad, but I knew she just needed a shoulder, she needed to vent, she needed someone to just listen, so I gave her that. Although I may have my own issues with the ‘why me’ thought process, I do understand it and I do understand the need to vent and moan (I’ve done my share of venting after all) so I gave her what she needed, because everyone works through their own shit in their own way.
Sometimes in life I believe you need to pull up your big girl pants and face each day with a big arse smile no matter what you feel on the inside. And sometimes you need to put on your favourite Pj’s and hide from the world in the comfort of your bed until you feel up to coming out again. Both are okay, you do what you have to, to take care of yourself!